Monday, March 24, 2014

Litany of Humility

From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus. (repeat after each line)
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. (repeat after each
line)
That others may be esteemed more than I ,
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may
become as holy as I should. Amen.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Invisible

My Mom worried about me when I was a little girl, she saw me as a follower and thought I might end up in the wrong crowd. I think she somehow saw that I was invisible to others. I am not the first person people call with news, given "just because" gifts or the one that is praised for things that I do. We are not part of most birthday parties and special occasion gatherings. We have a small group of friends with fairly large families. Adding families is more exponential than just a couple more gift bags. It is easy to exclude us. Social gatherings are mostly centered around food. Our food allergies and vegetarian diet exclude us from just about every party food. Feeding my food allergic children is a constant struggle. My children's feelings are hurt when we gather with our friends and everyone but our family have partied together. My children ask, "Why didn't we go to the party?" The truthful answer is, "We didn't get invited."
My entire life, I have encountered, "I didn't think you liked me," or "You didn't seem interested." So many people have imposed on my parents over the years that I bend over backwards to not impose on others. The honest truth is that I just learned to deal with the disappointment of having only friendly acquaintances and few close friends. I am grateful for my long-time close friends, but Hubby is my very best friend. I have become an increasingly private person. We have had so much suffering and stress in the past few years that I don't want to only talk about negative or bad things but that has been my life for years. I'm in a constant state of stress, it is getting to me and no one seems to notice. I'm feeling invisible.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Nobody Told Me There Would Be Days (or weeks!) Like These...

There are days when I am certain that I would get along better with my kids if they were away from me for 8-10 hours like most other children their age. The biggest challenge, outside of the financial strain of living on one income, has been disrespect and disobedience. My husband and I are nice and respectful to each other, we say please and thank you and do not yell or scream at each other. I am rendered speechless at how naughty our kids behave. They just ignore me. I sometimes think it might be my perspective, but that is all I have. I certainly do not expect perfection, but I do expect respect. We have tried all kinds of consequences (time outs, loss of privileges, time out of toys, extra chores). Why don't they just do what we say?
I was thinking today that this might be why parents over schedule their kids and give them free reign to video games. Less interaction time must lead to fewer naughty interactions.
I have worked 7 of the last 14 days, even when I am gone for just a few hours, our lives are disrupted. I shudder to think how my kids would behave at home if they were in boring, monotonous traditional school all day.
I have no solution outside of prayer.
O Saint Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires O Saint Joseph, assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your Divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, Our Lord; so that having engaged here below your heavenly power, I may offer my thanksgiving and homage to the most loving of Fathers. O Saint Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms; I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me, and ask Him to return the Kiss when I draw my dying breath. Amen

Monday, February 24, 2014

Mother Mary, help me

My 9 year old daughter's behavior has been a challenge to manage for some time. From her birth until now, she was very particular. There comes a point where she needs to just do what I say, when I say it because it is best for her and the family. I am so tired of the conflict. It is depressing. Her behaviors escalate when she eats a sensitive or allergic food and she has been on a roll this past week. I just do not understand, I would have never spoken to my parents the way she does. I do not ignore her words or actions, there are consequences, but those consequences seem to punish me with incessant repetitious wining and the behaviors continue. She can be so cold and outright mean. We, as a family, avoid situations where we know she will have a fit. It is just not with the fight. It is better to stay at home rather than to be embarrassed (or absolutely mortified).
This week I mentioned to a friend how sick our usually healthy family had been. She asked what I had been doing to aggravate the devil. I have no idea! If anything, I have fallen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Prayers for Syria

A Prayer for the People of Syria from the USCCB

God of Compassion,
Hear the cries of the people of Syria,
Bring healing to those suffering from the violence,
Bring comfort to those mourning the dead,
Strengthen Syria's neighbors in their care and welcome for refugees,
Convert the hearts of those who have taken up arms,
And protect those committed to peace.

God of Hope,
Inspire leaders to choose peace over violence and to seek reconciliation with enemies,
Inspire the Church around the world with compassion for the people of Syria,
And give us hope for a future of peace built on justice for all.

We ask this through Jesus Christ,
Prince of Peace and Light of the World,
Amen.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

A Miracle

When I was growing up, I can not recall praying for a miracle of healing for someone and them actually getting healed. My parents are from the generation of, "Don't worry the children." Our children are blessed to have personally known more than one miraculous healing. Hopefully, this will guide them when they are older and inevitably question their faith. This week, one of our co-op friends traveled out of state with their family for surgery on their littlest one. He was diagnosed with cancer when he was 7 months old. He is now a year old. According to all the tests, the cancer is gone! No dead cancer cells, no cancer at all! Our God is truly wonderful! Amen.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

almost August?

I love Texas. I rarely complain about the weather, our two seasons or the abundance of pollen, mold or ozone. I grew up in Houston where your hair is always frizzy/curly, your nail polish never dries and your skin is always glistening with sweat/perspiration.
Austin spoiled me when I moved here 21 years ago. The weather was nice, not too hot or humid. Record heat and the drought the last two summers were awful. I refuse to complain about this summer. It is 86* the last week of July! Who cares that it is so humid that you cans swim through the air? God Bless Texas, my home sweet home!